JokesBoy

While in the playground with his friend, Little Johnny noticed that Jimmy was wearing a brand new, shiny watch. “Did you get that for your birthday?” asked Little Johnny. “Nope.” replied Jimmy. “Well, did you get it for Christmas then?”. Again Jimmy says “Nope.” “You didn’t steal it, did you?” asks Little Johnny. “No,” said Jimmy. “I went into Mom and Dad’s bedroom the other night when they were ‘doing the nasty’. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me.

Little Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy’s new watch. He vowed to get one for himself. That night, he waited outside his parents’ bedroom until he heard the unmistakable noises of
lovemaking. Just then, he swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom. His father, caught in mid stroke, turned and said angrily. “What do you want now?” “I wanna watch,” Johnny replied.

Without missing a stroke, his father said, “Fine. Stand in the corner and watch, but keep quiet.”

There was a guy riding through the desert on his camel. He had been traveling so long that he felt the need to have sex. Obviously there were no women in the desert so the man turned to his camel. He tried to position himself to have sex with his camel but the camel ran away. The man ran to catch up to the camel and got back on and started to ride again.

Soon he was feeling the urge to have sex again so once again he turned to his camel. The camel refused by running away. So he caught up to it again and go on it again.

Finally after riding the camel through the whole desert the man came to a road. There was a broken down car with three big chested beautiful blondes sitting in it. He went up to them and asked the women if they needed any help.

The hottest girl said ,”If you fix our car we will do anything you want.” The man luckily knew a thing or two about cars and fixed it in a flash. When he finished are three girls asked,”How could we ever repay you Mr.” After thinking for a short while he replied,”Could you hold my camel?”

A lady is eating breakfast out on her patio one morning, when she notices a massive gorilla climbing up her palm tree. This sight scares her so she runs inside her house.
Trying to figure out what to do she grabs the yellow pages and looks it up. Sure enough right in the yellow pages is a big ad for gorilla extractors. She calls the number and the man on the other end of the line says he’ll be right over.
When he shows up he explains to the lady that it is a pretty common problem and it should only take a few minutes. First he must get his equipment. So from his truck he grabs a stepladder, a shotgun, an eight foot pole, handcuffs and a dog.
The lady exclaims, “What the hell is all that stuff for?”
The gorilla extractor explains, “First I climb up on the stepladder and ram this here pole up the gorilla ass. This will cause the gorilla to fall from the tree at which point that mean ass dog will bite the gorilla in the balls. This temporarily paralyzes the gorilla. At which point I put the handcuffs on the gorilla and take him away.”
The lady asks, “What’s the shotgun for?”
The man answers, “If I fall off the ladder, you shoot the dog!”

Having determined that the husband was infertile, a childless couple decided to try artificial insemination. When the woman showed up at the clinic, she was told to undress, get up on the table and place her feet in the stirrups. She was feeling very uncomfortable about the whole situation and when the doctor started dropping his pants, she freaked. “Wait a second! What the hell is going on here?” she yelled. “Don’t you want to get pregnant?” asked the doctor. “Well, yes, but…” stammered the woman. “Well lie back and spread ‘em,” replied the doctor. “Were out of the bottled stuff, so you’ll just have to settle for what’s on tap.”

A guy’s talking to a girl in a bar.
He says, “What’s your name?”
She says, “Carmen.”
He says, “That’s a nice name. Who named you, your mother?”
She says, “No, I named myself.”
He says, “Why Carmen?”
She says, “Because I like cars and I like men. What’s your name?”
He says, “Beerpussy.”

Police officers George and Mary, had been assigned to walk the beat. They had only been out a short while when Mary said, “Damn, I was running late this morning after my workout and after I showered, I forgot to put on my panties! We have to go back to the station to get them.” George replied, “We don’t have to go back, just give the K-9 unit, Fido, one sniff, and he will go fetch them for you.”

It was a hot day and Mary didn’t fell like heading back to the station, so she lifted her skirt for the dog. Fido’s nose shoots between her legs, sniffing and snorting. After 10 seconds of sniffing, Fido’s ears pick up, he sniffs the wind, and he is off in a flash towards the station house. Five minutes go by and no sign of Fido. Ten minutes pass, and the dog is nowhere to be seen. Fifteen minutes pass, and they are starting to worry.

Twenty minutes pass, and they hear sirens in the distance. The sirens get louder and louder. Suddenly, followed by a dozen police cars, Fido rounds the corner with the Desk Sergeant’s balls in his mouth.