Archive for the ‘Computers’ Category

1
Apr

Three engineers

Posted By admin in Computers

Three engineers were travelling by a car, an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a microsoft engineer.

Suddenly the car stopped forcing them to pull off to the side of the road. They wondered what had gone wrong with the car engine.

The electrical engineer suggested stripping down the electronics of the car to try and trace where the fault might have occured.

The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars, suggested that perhaps the fuel had emulsified and was getting blocked somewhere.

The microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, came up with suggestion, “Why don’t we close all the windows, get out, get back in, and open all the windows, and see if it works?”

23
Feb

Computer Diagnosis

Posted By admin in Computers, Long Jokes, Pwned

One day Bill complained to his friend, “My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor.”

His friend offered, “Don’t do that. There’s a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker an cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10.”

Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks.

Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.

He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:

Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren’t yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don’t stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.

26
Dec

Xbox 360 Name Inspired By Sony

Posted By admin in Computers, Fun pics

xbox

20
Sep

Bad Domain Names

Posted By admin in Computers

1. Who Represents is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their Web site is
www.whorepresents.com/ (whore-presents)

2. Experts Exchange is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange Advice and views at
www.expertsexchange.com/ (expert-sex-change)

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
www.penisland.net/ (penis-land)

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at
www.therapistfinder.com/ (the-rapist-finder)

5. There’s the Italian Power Generator company,
www.powergenitalia.com/ (power-genitalia)

6. And don’t forget the Mole Station Native Nursery in New South Wales,
www.molestationnursery.com/ (molestation-nursery)

7. If you’re looking for IP computer software, there?s always
www.ipanywhere.com/ (I-pee-anywhere)

8. The First Cumming Methodist Church Web site is
www.cummingfirst.com/ (cumming-first)

9. And the designers at Speed of Art await you at their wacky Web site,
www.speedofart.com/ (speed-fart)

10. The Web Ad Helper online advertising company, helping small business find more customers.
www.webadhelper.com/ (we-bad-helper)

1
Apr

Types of computer viruses

Posted By admin in Computers

Types of computer viruses

Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

Airline virus: You’re in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

Anita Hill virus: Lies dormant for ten years.

Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It’ll be back.

AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

The MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you’re paying too much for the AT&T virus.

Bill Clinton virus: This virus mutates from region to region and we’re not exactly sure what it does.

Bill Clinton virus: Promises to give equal time to all processes: 50% to poor, slow processes; 50% to middle-class processes, and 50% to rich ones. This virus protests your computer’s involvement in other computer’s affairs, even though it has been having one of its own for 12 years.

Congressional Virus: Overdraws your computer.

Congressional Virus: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.
(more…)