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School Answering Machine

This is the message that the Pacific Palisades High School (California) staff voted unanimously to record on their school Telephone answering machine This is the actual answering machine message for the school.

This came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and parents to be responsible for their children’s absences and missing homework. The school and teachers are being sued by parents
who want their children’s failing grades changed to passing grades – even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not complete enough schoolwork to pass their classes.

The outgoing message:

“Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all the options before making a selection:

* To lie about why your child is absent – Press 1
* To make excuses for why your child did not do his work- Press 2
* To complain about what we do – Press 3
* To swear at staff members – Press 4
* To ask why you didn’t get information that was already enclosed in
your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you – Press 5
* If you want us to raise your child – Press 6
* If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone -Press 7
* To request another teacher, for the third time this year -Press 8
* To complain about bus transportation – Press 9
* To complain about school lunches – Press 0
* If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/her own behavior, class work, homework and that it’s not the teachers’ fault for your child’s lack of effort: Hang up and have a nice day!

Presence of mind

John works in a supermarket. A man came in and asked John for half a
kilogram of butter. The boy told him they only sold 1 kg packets of
butter, but the man was persistent. The boy said he’d go ask his
manager what to do.

John walked into the back room and said, “There`s a bloody fellow out
there who wants to buy only half a kilo of butter.” As he finished
saying this he turned around to find the man standing right behind
him, so he added, “And this gentleman wants to buy the other half.”

The manager finished the deal and later said to John, “You almost got
yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed
with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet, and I
like it a lot. Which place are you from?

John replied, “I’m from Mexico, sir.”

“Oh really? Why did you leave Mexico?” asked the manager.

John replied, “They’re all just prostitutes and soccer players
up there.”

“My wife is from Mexico,” the manager said.

John replied, “Which team did she play for?”

Happy Birthday JokesBoy

Today is the Birthday of JokesBoy, this boy is now one year old. One year passed like one day, it feels like I started this blog just few days back. Keep reading jokesboy as we add more funny jokes, videos and pictures daily. Have Fun!

The Loving Husband

Several men are in the changing room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk.

Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: “Hello”?

WOMAN: “Darling, it’s me. Are you at the club?”

MAN: “Yes”

WOMAN: “I am at the shopping centre and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $ 1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?”

MAN: “Sure,..go ahead if you like it that much.”

WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2009 models. I saw one I really liked.”

MAN: “How much?”

WOMAN: ” $ 70,000″

MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”

WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing … The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $ 950,000″

MAN: “Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of 900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It really is a pretty good price.”

WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much!!”

MAN: “Bye! I love you, too.”

The man hangs up. The other men in the changing room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape….. He smiles and asks:

“Anyone knows who this phone belongs to?”

4 Weeks

A Bible study group was discussing the unforeseen possibility of their sudden death. The leader of the discussion said, ” We will all die some day, and none of us really know when, but if we did we would all do a better job of preparing ourselves for that inevitable event.”

“Everybody nodded their heads in agreement with this comment.”

Then the leader said to the group, “What would you do if you knew you only had 4 weeks of life remaining before your death, and then the Great Judgment Day?”

A gentleman said, ” I would go out into my community and minister the Gospel to those that have not yet accepted the Lord into their lives.”

“Very good!” ,said the group leader, and all the group members agreed, that would be a very good thing to do.

One lady spoke up and said enthusiastically, “I would dedicate all of my remaining time to serving God, my family, my church, and my fellow man with a greater conviction.”

“That’s wonderful!” the group leader commented, and all the group members agreed, that would be a very good thing to do.

But one gentleman in the back finally spoke up loudly and said, “I would go to my mother-in-laws house for the 4 weeks.”

Everyone was puzzled by this answer, and the group leader ask, “Why your mother-in-laws home?”

Then the gentleman smiled sarcastically and said, “Because, that would be the longest 4 weeks of my life!”