A blind man is travelling to Texas. He feels the seats of the train and says to the man next to him he says “These seats sure are big” to which the man replies “Everything is bigger in texas”. He then checks into is hotel and goes to the bar. He feels the beer glass and says to the bartender “The glasses sure are big” to which the bartender says “Everything is bigger in Texas”. The blind man the asks to go to the lavatory.The bartender gave him directions. On the way he takes a wrong turn, slips and falls into the swimming pool. Scared to death he shouts “Dont flush!!!! Dont flush!!!!”………………..
Little Johnny and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Johnny goes to Jenny’s father to ask him for her hand.
Johnny bravely walks up to him and says “Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage.” Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, “Well Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?” Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replies “In Jenny’s room. It’s bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely.” Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, “Okay then how will you live? You’re not old enough to get a job. You’ll need to support Jenny.” Again, Johnny instantly replies, “Our allowance.. Jenny makes 20 bucks a week and I make 40 bucks a week. That’s about 60 bucks a month, and that should do us just fine.”
By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Johnny has put so much thought into this. So, he thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny won’t have an answer to. After a second, Mr. Smith says, “Well Johnny, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?” Johnny just shrugs his shoulders and says “Well, we’ve been lucky so far…”
Mr. Smith fainted..
John works in a supermarket. A man came in and asked John for half a
kilogram of butter. The boy told him they only sold 1 kg packets of
butter, but the man was persistent. The boy said he’d go ask his
manager what to do.
John walked into the back room and said, “There`s a bloody fellow out
there who wants to buy only half a kilo of butter.” As he finished
saying this he turned around to find the man standing right behind
him, so he added, “And this gentleman wants to buy the other half.”
The manager finished the deal and later said to John, “You almost got
yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed
with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet, and I
like it a lot. Which place are you from?
John replied, “I’m from Mexico, sir.”
“Oh really? Why did you leave Mexico?” asked the manager.
John replied, “They’re all just prostitutes and soccer players
“My wife is from Mexico,” the manager said.
John replied, “Which team did she play for?”
A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.
She quickly turned and asked, “What’s so funny Pat?”
“Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters.”
“Get out of my classroom,” she yells, “I don’t want to see you for three days.”
The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student.
She quickly turns and asks, “What’s so funny Billy?”
“Well miss, I just saw both of your garters.”
Again she yells, “Get out of my classroom!” This time the punishment is more severe, “I don’t want to see you for three weeks.”
Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.
“Where do you think you are going?” she asks.
“Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over.”
Today is 1st April and no other day can be good for starting a blog on jokes! I can remember my school days when everyone used to try to make fool and then shout April fool. We used to make pranks and just anything to have a good laugh. To bring those days of laughter back, I’ll be posting great jokes specially chosen to make you laugh from all over the internet. Laughing is good for health, so if you are a first time visitor of this blog, bookmark it and visit it daily for a good dose of laughter.
This is the actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast ofNewfouodland in October 1995. Radio conversation released by the chief of naval operations, 10-10-95.
CANADIANS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.
CANADIANS: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
AMERICANS: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
CANADIANS: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.
AMERICANS: This is the Aircraft Carrier US LINCOLN, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied with three Destroyers, three Cruisers and numerous support vessels. I DEMAND that you change your course 15 degrees north. I say again, that’s one-five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.
CANADIANS: This is a lighthouse. Your call.