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A blog on jokes

Today is 1st April and no other day can be good for starting a blog on jokes! I can remember my school days when everyone used to try to make fool and then shout April fool. We used to make pranks and just anything to have a good laugh. To bring those days of laughter back, I’ll be posting great jokes specially chosen to make you laugh from all over the internet. Laughing is good for health, so if you are a first time visitor of this blog, bookmark it and visit it daily for a good dose of laughter.

Pizza Delivery Boy

A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Larry Johnson. He delivered the pizza to his trailer. After giving it to him, Larry asked: “What is the usual tip?”

“Well,” replied the youth, “this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I’ll be doing great.” “Is that so?” snorted Larry. “Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here’s five dollars.”

“Thanks,” replied the youth, “I’ll put this in my school fund.”

“What are you studying in school?” asked Larry.

The lad smiled and said: “Applied psychology.”

20 years

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye. “What’s the matter, dear?” she whispers as she steps into the room. “Why are you down here at this time of night?”

The husband looks up from his coffee. “Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?” he asks solemnly. “Yes, I do,” she replies.

“Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car ?” “Yes, I remember,” says the wife. “Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, ‘Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for twenty years!” “I remember that, too,” she replies softly. The husband wipes another tear from his cheek… “I’m a freeman now!”

Neglected Bills

Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary. Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!”

Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island. An hour later Abe turns to his wife and asks, “Esther, did we pay our $5,000 PBS pledge check yet?”

“No, sweetheart,” she responds.

Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, “Esther, did we pay our American Express card yet?”

“Oh, no! I’m sorry. I forgot to send the check,” she says.

“One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send checks for the Visa and MasterCard this month?” he asks.

“Oh, forgive me, Abie,” begged Esther. “I didn’t send that one, either.”

Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years. Esther pulls away and asks him, “What was that for?”

Abe answers, “They’ll find us!”

Last Words

Three buddies die in a car crash, and they go to heaven to an orientation.

They are all asked, “When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you? The first guy says, “I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man.”

The second guy says, “I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow.”

The last guy replies, “I would like to hear them say, “Look! He’s moving!”

Humorous sentences

1. If time doesn’t wait for you, don’t worry!
Just remove the damn battery from the clock and Enjoy life!

2. Expecting the world to treat u fairly coz u r a good person is like
expecting the lion not to attack u coz u r a vegetarian.

Think about it.

3 . Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did
and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did!!!

4 . He was a good man. He never smoked, drank had no affair. When he died, the insurance company refused the claim. They said, he who never lived, cannot die!

5 . So many options for suicide:
Poison, sleeping pills, hanging,
jumping from a building, lying on train tracks,

but we chose Marriage, slow sure!

6 . Only 20 percent boys have brains, rest have girlfriends!

7. All desirable things in life are either illegal, banned, expensive or married to someone else!

8. Laziness is our biggest enemy- Jawaharlal Nehru
We should learn to love our enemies- Mahatma Gandhi

Ab aap bataaye kiski sune bapu di ya chacha di???

9.When things go wrong, when sadness fills your heart,
When tears flows from your eyes always say these words…

Eh Ganpat, chal daru la…

10 . 10% of road accidents are due to drunken driving. Which makes it a logical statement that 90% of accidents are due to driving without drinking!